Well, it's now 2 days fresh. The deed is done. I'm a newly single man again. No, it isn't a good feeling. It's a feeling I didn't figure I'd ever have, what with saying "I do" and all. Alas, here we are. I think I realized yesterday that since I was still holding out hope for a reconciliation, I minimized my exposure to the "Anger" step in the grief process. It is rearing its ugly face more frequently now as I take off my rose-colored glasses and love filters and examine the relationship and my ex for what it and she really were.
I've realized something. I've read about it in various places, but didn't understand it completely, or maybe didn't agree with it completely before. I think, coming at it from a new angle of having the marriage completely done and over with and having that closure, it hits a little different.
It's the positives of being dumped. My ex was my first ever girlfriend. I felt lucky that I never had to go through heartache. I got to learn from other people's mistakes. It seemed so easy. But I never got to experience that failure for myself. On the other side of it, I am not upset that I have gone through it. It absolutely sucks. There is nothing good about it. Which I think is the most important part. It proves to me and to the people around me that I can have my foundations shaken, even partially destroyed in some areas, but I can get dirty and rebuild this from the ground up. Since this was part of my mental health journey, it has created the perfect melting pot of trials and tribulations. It has allowed me to test the skills and tools I've been working on. Yes, 100%, I would absolutely prefer it to have not happened this way. But that is and always was beyond my control, and this is, I guess, the next best thing.
It has given me perspective about who really loves me and who I want to continue to be in my life. As it turns out, some people who I thought were my friends were not, and they weren't afraid to say it to my face. Some people who I thought were for my marriage were not, and they weren't afraid to admit it. I bid those hypocrites and gaslighters adieu. To my friends and family who have stuck by my side, and at the same time not added to the drama by giving my ex a hard time, you all are amazing people, and you mean the world to me. You've shown me the meaning of "friend" and "family".
It has given me a new way to relate to people. I'm hoping to raise awareness among those I care about, and eventually reach people I don't know, and provide awareness, stop the stigma, and encourage those going through the struggles. Not specifically marriage or relationship struggles, but I certainly won't exclude those either. No one is immune, and we can all use a little help.
It has highlighted and brought some of my weaknesses to the forefront. This made the issues very obvious and easy to confront. Some issues I had already been working on, but the energy that being in survival mode provided kicked this whole thing into overdrive. I was making changes. I was setting my sights on the man I wanted to be, and I was taking those steps. I was reading books, listening to podcasts, talking to friends and family, working out, journaling, even did a few meditations. This was a truly amazing experience, and I don't know if it's possible to get that much energy any other way. Yes, I lost weight. I dropped about 19 pounds in 3 months.
Yes, breakups suck. I'd be the last person to tell anyone there are good parts about them. But there are some silver linings. There are things you can learn that you might not learn any other way.
Anyways, I'm trying to keep these blog posts short and to a point. So I might elaborate a little more on specific areas in a future post. Thanks for reading.